Okay. Maybe some time has gone by since I last wrote anything. A lot of time actually. But I needed a break. Funny to take a break from something that you just started, but I did. I needed time to figure things out, and the time didn’t work. So now, I have decided that I may never actually figure things out. Things like getting a six month old to nap. Ever. But I’m okay with that. Sure, there are times where I wish I had a routine, a schedule, a way to get everything done while also being the best mom I can be, but it just isn’t happening. So now, I am going to be the mom that doesn’t have it figured out but is still happy with things just as they are.
And I am going to forget the grand ideas I had of blogging about all of my tricks and life-hacks for raising two kids that are only thirteen months apart. Because I don’t seem to have any. I am instead going to just keep blogging about my life, this crazy, lucky life I have. And if I happen to stumble across the best toddler toys or baby teething products, I will share them. But in the meantime, you can continue to follow along as I stop trying to figure out this motherhood thing and just try to live, love, and grow each day with my family.
So, as I stumble through the first six months as a mom of two, I write this to you Jules.
To my Juliet. My first baby. My love. My crazy girl. My baby shark. My monkey.
I’m sorry that my full attention, which you once had, has now been cut in half.
I’m sorry that I can’t dance around with you all day, like you want me too.
I’m sorry that I sometimes cannot wait until it is your nap time. And also that I usually hope you take a long nap.
I’m sorry that your lunches or dinners sometimes involve a squeezie or the same chicken nuggets on repeat.
I’m sorry that we don’t leave the house and go take on the world as the duo we used to be.
I’m sorry that there are times that I can’t pick you up right away when you fall, or when you are sad, or when you just want to be held.
But please, know this.
You will always have my attention. I can not take my eyes off of you. I wish I could record you every second of every day, because everything you do puts a smile on my face. You have made me laugh more than I thought was possible, and just being around you makes me a happier person.
Dancing with you is my favorite thing. Playing with you, laughing with you, being silly with you. They are all my favorite things. And I will squeeze as much of that into every day as I possibly can.
When you are napping, I miss you. Sure I am tired most days, and longing for a break, a minute to myself, but the minute after I put you in your crib and close the door, I miss you. Today you took a three and a half hour nap. I should have been grateful for that time. Time with your sister, time to do laundry, time to clean, time to rest. But I kept looking at the clock, wondering when you would finally wake up. I couldn’t wait any longer. I woke you up. I missed you too much.
I try. I try my hardest to be the best mom to you as I can. I don’t always succeed. With meals, I usually fail. But I will keep trying.
You will forever be my partner in crime. I want to get out as much as you do. I make up reasons to go to Target just so I can keep you from playing in the same room with the same toys every day. But one day, I won’t be able to keep you home. One day you will be going to school, one day you will be going to friends’ houses, or going to sleep overs, or activities and sports, and I will long for a day home with you, all to myself. So, for now, I will cherish every day that I get to spend with you in our house, on our floor, with you jumping all over me.
I will always be there to hug you, to hold you, to wipe your tears, to try and make you smile or laugh, to love you. My arms are a little more full these days, but your place in them has not been taken. I need you as much as you need me, and that will not change.
I love you. I love you more each day than the day before. You are the brightest light, the happiest face, and the silliest girl, and I love everything about you. You have made me better in so many ways and I will do everything I can, every day, to repay you for that. You are the greatest gift I could ever receive and I will continue to strive to be the best mother I can be, for you.
As my mom says to me, I will say to you, and I mean it just as much as she does,
My cup runneth over.